“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and sings it back to you when you have forgotten how it goes.”
Christmas Parties Part 2
Greetings everyone. We left off yesterday where I had tried to meet who I thought was the girl of my dreams, Mindy. A beautiful young lady with all the nice features. I tried to introduce myself to her twice and twice I was shot down. I decided to give it one more try, because pigs like me never give up. Especially when it comes to love. Let’s see what happens next.
I decided I would try to be the popular guy of the party, you know what I mean, I needed to work the crowd, get people laughing, be the guy every woman wants to be with. That would surely impress her to want to be with me. After I finished my plate, I then started on my plan and began to mingle with everyone nearby her, I was pretty good at it. I was telling some great jokes, I started dancing with the ladies and high fiving it with the guys. Oh I was having a great time, and people were enjoying having me there. Soon I was the highlight of the party. But my plan was not working; Mindy would not even look in my direction. I was becoming heart broke over it by trying so hard. I came to face the hard reality that Mindy was not the girl of my dreams. The cold naked weather of December chilled my bones to the core as I went for broke and asked her to dance with me. Her response was, “I don’t dance with swine, go away and leave me alone, you disgust me, you pig.” I felt the icy cold grip of her hatred for me push the knife blade through my heart, for it was not to be with her.
I slunked off to go talk to Charlie and a group of guys on the other side of the room. Charlie handed me a fresh cup of brew and patted me on the shoulder “Better luck next time.” He consoled me. I took a deep breath and I got myself over the heartbreak but I couldn’t get over the hurt of her ugly, painful words. This was no way to spend my time at a real happening Christmas party.
“She’s trailer trash – forget her, your better than that.” I heard this lovely voice say to me. I looked over to where I heard the voice come from, it was a lovely lady named Shala, I had danced with her earlier.
“Thank you, I appreciate that.” I told her.
“You know Pig, the best way to get over something that hurts is to get rid of the problem the problem that caused the hurt.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Well then-get rid of the problem and everything will be fine, I promise.” Shala said.
“What do you mean by all that?” I asked her.
“That part you need to figure out yourself,” she told me, “I know you can do it.”
Great, that was just what I needed, advice I don’t have a clue knowing how to use. This night just keeps getting better and better. I decided to down a few cups of party lubricant and after my 3rd one I loosened up and was having fun talking with the guys. One guy in the group, Peter, made a comment that it was a shame that I struck out so bad with Mindy. I asked him what he meant by that and he went on to explain that the other wives were becoming a little jealous and concerned with how Mindy was hitting on all the married men at the party. Since I was a single pig, they all would have preferred for me to hook up with her. Several of the wives were plotting how to get rid of Mindy all together before something serious happened.
“Get rid of the problem” popped into my head, I saw now that if I wanted to feel better, I just needed to make the problem causing my pain to go away. That was what was Shala was trying to tell me, she was saying to get rid of Mindy. I faced a real dilemma here, if I tried to run her off I risk upsetting Ace & Judy if I ruin their party and, And, AND, I also promised Stacey I would be on my ultra-best behavior tonight. It could be awful cold having to sleep outdoors tonight if I pissed her off. It was a very tough choice. I weighted all those risks in one hand, and I looked at the other hand, it was empty. Then I realized something, I am a pig living in a mans world. I for one, being an animal first, have certain laws of nature I need to follow. Breaking one of those laws would be to break my very being. I had nothing to lose by being bad but a few cold nights sleep. One of the laws of nature that I must follow is: I must not allow myself to be beaten up by a two-bit dame. I’m sorry ladies if I have offended any of you with that last comment, but the rules are the rules.
Another cup of liquid courage and my path was clear; I knew what I needed to do. All I needed now was some proper motivation to make it all happen.
“Yeah Peter, I may have struck out once, but I bet I could still get in her panties.” I bravely announced to the group. Everyone stopped talking as now I had their attention. What was I doing? Why did I say that? They knew as well as I did too there was no way I was ever going to get near those drawers on her. But now that it was said, there would be NO turning back. What happened next was a replay from the movie “A Christmas Story”. You know the part, it is when Flick is challenged to stick his tongue to a frozen light pole, the only difference is instead of using the kids triple dog dare, we were going to do this dare man style.
“Oh really, you think so there Pig!” Peter countered.
“Yeah, I’m pretty confident” I said standing tall.
“I’ve got 50 bucks that says no way it will ever happen.”
“Tell you what, let’s make it 100 bucks and then we will see who is going to be smiling.” I said upping the ante.
Without any hesitation Peter accepted “All right, I’ll take that bet. My 100 bucks says you won’t get in her panties by the end of this party. And for proof for you to win is you have to have her panties and not someone else in your hands to collect.”
“You have yourself a bet.” I shook his hand. The deal was set in place. I all have to do now is pull this one off. I had to, I didn’t have so much as 100 pennies, let alone dollars in my pocket.
“Pig, what are you doing?” Charlie asked me.
“Hey man, it’s not a party til somebody gets naked” I said. They all laughed. I leaned over towards Shala and said to her “This one is for you baby.” with a wink. She grinned from ear to ear and nodded to me with approval, her champion has been selected and will stand up for her. Shala then nudged her friend sitting next to her and whispered in her ear. Within seconds the whole side of the room was getting quite and they were watching me to see what I was going to do. My spine stiffened as I downed another cup of homemade courage. Funny thing about that liquid courage, it sure helps when you really need it.
Without Mindy seeing me, I worked my way carefully through the crowd until I was behind her. Mindy was busy hitting on another guy, flirting with him about how she would love a ride on the back of his bike sometime. I was in position, I scanned the crowd. Charlie, Rick and Peter and the others were watching, waiting with anticipation for what was coming. Mindy had no idea she was about to become the prime example of why people should be a little nicer towards others.
OK, I know what a few of you reading this might be thinking – I shouldn’t be doing this, and I would be better off behaving myself and just letting it go. You may be right. But here are the facts. I was nice to her when I tried to introduce myself to her. She reacted rude and insensitive. She had no couth in how she came across towards me. 2nd. she called me disgusting, which was very rude towards me. 3rd She had no morals hitting on another woman’s husband, and that is bad manners, bad form. So my justification in this matter is simple, I was not doing this for myself; I was doing this for the other wives present at the party. So with all that said, it was time to make tonight a party to remember.
I was in position and ready to do this. I turned my head and I looked straight up her mini skirt. There I saw she was wearing a pair of emerald green butt covers that matched the color of her sweater. I looked over at Rick and said “Hey Rick, they’re green!” With that, Mindy looked around the room as everyone busted out laughing at her. She then looked down and saw me looking up between her legs. She screamed and as she did I jumped up as if on cue and grabbed her around the waist. As I did that, I used my true animal instinct and stuck my cold, wet snout straight into her butt.
She screamed even louder and jumped as she threw her drink right into the face of the guy she was talking to and started dancing around in circles trying to buck me off like I was riding a bull. I don’t know what she was thinking about at the time she sure was trying hard to get me off of her. Now picture this in your mind; She continued failing around the room with my head stuck to her butt. Instead of anyone helping her, people were laughing and just moved out of the way and allowed it to continue. Mindy was digging and clawing me with her fingernails into my arms, but I still refused to let go. Ace was smart enough to go open the front door and Mindy ran out with me still attached. She tripped and fell in the front yard where we landed on the grass. I wasted no time and reached up her skirt and removed her butt covers. Mindy jumped up like she was on springs and ran off down the street screaming.
I stood up holding my trophy in my hand and began to twirl it around in a circle high above my head. The crowd of people who followed us out the door began to cheer and clapped for me. Then someone in the crowd began to chant Pig, Pig, Pig as the other joined in. I stood before everyone and took a bow. We all finally went back inside as the party continued on. I put my trophy on my head wearing them like a makeshift hat. I then walked up to Peter and held my hand out. Peter smiled as he dug into his pocket and pulled out two fifty dollar bills and handed them to me. He never thought for one minute I could have pulled this one off – but I did.
After a few pictures were taken with me wearing my trophy on my head, we heard the doorbell ring. Ace opened the door to see two police officers standing there with Mindy behind them. She was babbling on something about how she was molested by a pig and wanted me arrested. Ace turned to the side and allowed the cops to see me standing there with her panties on my head. He told the cops that she took her panties off right there in front of everyone and placed them there herself and was then told to leave the party. The cops wasted no time in disputing what really happened by placing the cuffs on her instead and arrested her for molesting an animal of a barnyard nature. I didn’t even know that law existed.
After the cops left with her in the backseat of the patrol car, we continued with the party and rocked on until the wee hours of the morning. Like the Rudolph song says “You’ll go down in history” and so did this party. There has been many more parties since then, but never one as rememberble as this one. The friends I made that night continue to this day to be good friends. They are the best and being with them reminds me of a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson “The glory of friendship is not in the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is in the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers thatsomeone else believes in him and is willing to trust him.”
I hope your Christmas parties this year are as much fun
Ride Hard or Stay Home