My Christmas Morning
Hey Greetings to all my lovers of pork.
As you can tell by today’s title I’m here today to tell you all about my Christmas morning. If you read my last page, you know that I had intentions to stay up late Christmas Eve and see if I could catch a glimpse of the old fat man. To further assist me in my quest, I said that I was going to use radar (Military Grade) to track his every movement for me to be ready when he showed up.
After a lovely evening spent with the family, Rainman did his standard shut down for the night by falling asleep in his recliner and snoring loud enough to wake the dead. After about 30 minutes of using the chainsaw to saw logs, everyone else decided to call it an early night and get some rest for Christmas day. After I was sure the rest of the household was out for the night, I fired up the old laptop, grabbed a fresh homebrew of Christmas beer out of the fridge and sat down to begin my trace.
Well, after about a half hour of searching and using two different search engines, I was getting close to finding the radar system I needed to track the fat man. But none of that mattered. Inside the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse, except for the 12 federal agents that just busted through the front door and placed me under arrest. It seems that my ‘surfing’ alerted to the ‘proper’ authorities that someone in this household was attempting to hack into one of the NORAD systems. Oh-Boy, did I ever mess up this time. This one was bad!
All I was trying to do was prove to everyone that Santa Claus does exist, and that he was on his way here to San Antonio. All I got for my effort was a pair of handcuffs behind my back. Rainman and Stacey just stood there in disbelief as I was lead away to the squad car. Things went from bad to worse as I sat in the back of the squad car when old man Higgenson from across the street came out of his house. Seems that all the flashing red & blue lights woke him from his gentle slumber on this fine Christmas Eve. The old man, who can barely stand up on his own without the use of his cane or a walker, walks right up to an agent and begins to demand to know “just what in the HELL was going on here”. there he was talking to (more like yelling) the federal marshals about interrupting his sleep, along with the sleep of the rest of the neighborhood and wrongful arrest and prosecution of an innocent pig (that would be me).
Now a crowd of neighbors was gathering around the squad car I was sitting in. They too were beginning to demand to know what was going on. Thank God the marshals kept a very cool head, the crowd was ready to get out of hand and quick. Mr. Higgenson was being the riot leader demanded that I be released immediately and to prove his point that he meant business, Mr. Higgenson raised his cane and wacked that cop on the back of his shoulder. Lucky for him the crowd got a hold of the old man and pulled him back away. Now we can add assault charges to the list. Oh-Boy, at this point I will be old and gray before anyone sees me again.
What happened next is something I still can not believe. Two agents came out of the house carrying two cardboard boxes. They placed the boxes in the trunk of one of the other cars and then told the agent with the sore shoulder to release me. He went on to say that it was all a very big misunderstanding and that no charges would be filed. The crowd of neighbors cheered when I jumped out of the car. And suddenly, the marshals were gone as fast as they showed up. Everyone went home and it was all over. Thank you!
As I walked in the house, Stacey took one look at me and told Rainman “He’s your Pig, you deal with him.” With that she went off to bed. Rainman didn’t even bother with an explanation from me, he knew what I was up to. Seems that he was able to secure my release once he proved I was not a threat to national security, that I was only wanting to find Santa Claus. Sadly and with much regret, the deal for my release was finalized when the agents confiscated our two cases of Christmas brew. It is good to know that our government is still hard at work securing our great nation.