Horse Whips


OK my little piglets, lets move and grove with a little oink and boink.

I got a call from a friend of mine the other day, (to protect the names of the innocent for this blog, we’ll just call him ‘Art’) Art called with a very important question he needed answered. Now, you have to know that my friend Art is a smart man, he even knows how to turn on a computer, I would even guess to say he could even know how to find Wikipedia if he had to. But instead he chose to ask me. “Hey Pig”, he said, “Tell me what that chingadera is on the handlebar of motorcycles. I see them all the time and no one seems to know what they are. I think if you can answer this, it would make for a good blog page”.

When he finished speaking I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. First of all I’m an American pig, I don’t speak Spanish. Second, I would have to look up what a chingadera is (translated: I had to ask a couple of the Mexican boys at Rainman’s work what it meant). I found out it means an “animate or inanimate object lacking its proper name or term” OK, I’ll buy that. But for right now, just how in the hell was I suppose to know what it was exactly he was referring to dangling from the handlebar. So I did what all smart pigs like me do in times like this, I took a guess “Do you mean the horse whip?”

Yeah, that’s it, what is that thing called anyway?” Art asked.

Ahhh, a horse whip.” I replied.

Oh is that what it is? What are they for?”

Whipping horses.” I snickered at him.

Very funny little pink guy”, He sneered back at me, “You know I bet if you found out what they are for you could write about it, it would make for a good page to read. (That was the second time he mentioned that line, I guess he wants me to write a post on it.)

I knew what the answer was to Art’s questions as I talked to him on the phone, I also knew that Art was looking for a full explanation of what the horsewhip is used for. But sadly I am one who always enjoys making Art squirm a little while he waits for an answer. I told him I would work on it and get back to him. He asked me to get back to him right away, I knew I had him locked in like a kid squirming in church. You should try it with one of your friends sometime, it’s fun.

After I hung up the phone I had Rainman head us over to the Harley shop where another friend of mine, ‘Tim’ works. Since Rainman & I don’t use horsewhips on our bike, I wanted to be sure I had all the right answers before I put my hoof in my mouth (The last time I did that, it tasted like crap). Tim confirmed my current level of knowledge on the subject and also advised that I try googling it for some additional info. Here is what I had found.

The proper name for those so called “chingadere’s” dangling down from the handlebars of motorcycles is Biker Whips; they are also called horse whips. They were very stylish years ago on old school choppers. Whips are generally made of woven leather but I have seen them made of rope and nylon. They come in different lengths, colors and styles. Now days they are primarily used for decoration accessories as there is no mechanical use to them. They are attached to either the front brake lever or the clutch level or sometimes both. I have seen steel horse cowboys use a harness clip to attach their whips, while some whips are attached where the leather was woven onto the lever. They are very cool looking and the leather can make the levers feel more comfortable on your fingers too.

Horse whips do serve several purposes, back in the old school chopper days horsewhips served as a quick use weapon. If you were caught in a tussle with some “unfriendly” people, the horsewhip could be used for defense especially if your attacker had a knife. But, with this being Texas, around here a gun always wins in a rock, paper, scissors duel. (“A whip is the worst possible idea; unless you are attacked by a gang of Nazi’s who happen to be searching for the lost Ark of the Covenant.” – Mike Hayes) So why have them hanging down from your bike, you ask? Not only do they give your bike the classic old school chopper look, the biker whips are also used as a warning flag to cagers who drive too close to you on the road. The different colors they come in I mentioned earlier represent the riders’ club colors. The whip signifies what group or club the rider belongs to.

So Art, there is your answer in a nut shell. I would like to offer one piece of advice if I may: If you approach a biker with horsewhips on his bike – don’t tell him “Hey nice chingadera”. And don’t make any reference to the whips looking anything like a pair of streamers on a little girl’s pink bicycle either. That biker just might find one more use for those whips.

As I finish up today’s post, I want to leave you with an important saying I want you to always remember:

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, whiskey in one hand and a beer in the other, loudly proclaiming; ‘ Wow What a Ride!’ ” -Unknown (From “The Original Wild Ones”)

Ride HARD or Stay Home





Howdy Piglets,

Let’s Oink!

Comments, comments, comment. I love getting comments on my blog. Funny thing is I never, EVER get one single comment that is negative or hateful or even mean. Why just last week I got one from a lady that was really inspiring to my work. The comment said “I was reading your post on Christmas gifts, I thought it would be interesting, I only came to the conclusion that you are just full of yourself.” Wow, when I read that, I was so relieved. I was really worried that I might have been leaking somewhere from my body and didn’t know it. In fact I was so concerned about being full of myself that I had Rainman take me to the vet to get myself checked out. After sitting in the waiting room for 2 hours past my appointed time, the vet came in and did a full scan of my body. He went through the check list and said “heart, lungs, stomach, intestines, yeap, everything is still in there, no leaks”. Thank God, I was so relieved to hear it. However he did go on to say that I was a little too full, said that I could use to lose some weight. I should have told the vet he needed to stop taking all those ugly pills. He was looking so bad; he could be a modern art masterpiece.

After I got thrown out of the vets office for chasing his beautiful assistant around her desk, I got home and spent a little quite time to myself. I like to do that from time to time, spending time reflecting on my life with a big bag of flaming hot Cheetoes and a Diet Coke while I review. Yes, life is good for me, I love to ride, drink beer and chase women. I like to blog, I like to tell stories of what happens to me on a daily basis. It is what keeps me sane in this crazy messed up world we live in. Especially when I have to witness heart breaking events like what just happened in the last two weeks.

Sunday at church, we prayed for a friend of ours and his family who was almost killed in a motorcycle accident caused by a mechanical failure. We learned during prayer that 5 other motorcyclists were hurt and in ICU that same day at the one hospital. It really hits home when you realize just how fragile we truly are. Then we prayed for a young soldier returning from Iraq who was greeted at home with a letter from his long time girl friend. The letter was a Dear John letter; she said that she found someone else in her life and no longer wished to be with him. She also went so far as to include a photo of her and her new boyfriend. The young soldier was so distraught over that letter that after a few days of being home, he took his own life. The young man who fought for the very freedoms we enjoy and have because of men and women just like him, died in the war zone and he didn’t even know it. He could not adjust to being home. His funeral was scheduled for Tuesday. He was provided an motorcycle honor guard for his funeral by some friends of mine in the Honor Guard. It was a showing of respect, love and honor to a young man who gave all to protect us. I am so sorry he had to come home to what he did. And just to put the icing on the cake, after his funeral, one of the men in the Honor guard was hit on his motorcycle by a cager that was in too much of a Damm hurry to care anything about the safety of someone else.

Yeah, you can say that I am full of myself. I’ll have to agree with you. It is the only thing I have left inside of me after dealing with these and other life issues on a daily basis. I’m so afraid that one day I may dry up and blow away if I don’t keep myself full. I will always try my best to keep a positive outlook on life, I always try to find humor in anything I can and to bring that humor forward to share with others. If you can not have humor in your life then what is the point in living? Thank God someone reminded me that I am full of myself. Hell yes I am, and that was the best complement I ever received. You will have to forgive me, I have to leave now. Mom just brought home another bag of Cheetoes for me to enjoy!

As always

Ride HARD or stay home!


Whatever Happened to….

Whatever happened to….

New Years Prayer

God, grant me the senility to forget people

I never liked anyway.

The good fortune to run into

the ones that I do.

And the eyesight to tell the difference.

Hello Sunshines’, Are you all ready for another oink and boink? I, for one, am glad the holidays are now over. It is always feels like such a long, drawn out process just to get through them. Now, with the new year, it is time to get back to business. I am glad that 2011 is finally over, done and gone. And from what I have heard from some of you out there, I think you are glad it is gone too. I look forward to 2012, for as 2011 was winding down, I began to realize that 2012 should be the year we all make our mark. And I hope and pray it is much better for all of us.

To start off2012 with today’s page, I have one simple question to ask. Whatever happened to that guy I used to know? He was the one that could work all day and party all night long. You know who I’m talking about; he was the guy who was built solid as a rock and was as strong as an ox too. Where did that guy go? Oh man-he was fearless, he stood 6′ tall, and bulletproof. The guy I knew never backed down from a fight. His chest was so tight, girls used to bounce quarters off of it. His arms, when wrapped around your neck, could squeeze your head and pop it off like a zit. Along with his strength, he had the good looks and the ability to charm the panties off of any woman, drunk or sober.

I know that you know who I am talking about. He was the guy who taught me how to be who I am today. He taught me many things; like how I shouldn’t let anyone push me around. Always back up your buddy, you never know when you will need him to do the same for you. And he always taught me most importantly, to never leave a man behind. Wow, I didn’t realize it has be so long since I have seen him. Where did he go?

We used to ride the two lane on two wheels for days on end. For us, the sky was our only limit and when we were together, we never let anything stop us or get in our way. I guess for him what used to be wine, women and song must have turned into beer, TV and the old lady. But where did he go? I sure do miss him!

Some have said that he must have grown up, that he became a responsible adult, but I don’t believe it, my best friend would never do such a horrible thing like that. Some say that he died along the way and that we never knew it had happened. Nope, not him, he was to live on forever. He had dreams and not only the inspiration to do great things, he inspired me to lead my own path. He had a lot left to do. He was so young and strong, he was legendary. There was no way he ever died. I won’t believe that for one minute! I wish he would come back.

I admit that I do know where he is. Yet, as I watch in the mirror while sitting on the bathroom counter, I can see the gray hairs mixing in with the blond in his beard, the hair on the sides of his head now show gray too. I guess you could say that the top has thinned a little too. The chest is not so tight anymore, if you tried to bounce a quarter off it now, the quarter would just lay there. Those arms while they still posses the strength, now they also have a few aches and pains, sometimes that pain will radiate in the lower back. Mornings prove to be rather slow to start, the effort to get out of bed has the sounds of a haunted house creaking and moaning. A six pack of beer was nothing for him to drink along with a few shots of whiskey. Now he has cut back and uses the whiskey as a pain medicine. What happened to him?

The party animal I used to know has changed, now he begins to look upon 2012 as the year he will get it all back. I hear him say all the time 2012 will be the year he makes his mark, that he will lose the gut, quit the smokes and the beer.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Please oh please don’t quit being the party animal I know and love. What will I do? What other degenerate will I hang around with? No one else is as fun as he is. What will a pig like me do if he cleans up his act?

Quite frankly, I don’t think he can do it. Have you ever seen him try to quit smoking before, it’s kind of funny to watch. He turns into this all crazy, weird, jittering freak who starts bouncing off the walls tearing shit up and yelling at everyone for no reason at all. It is quite the hysterical scene to watch. All that in less then two hours of quitting smoking. He won’t last a day. And don’t expect me to help him either, I love watching him self-destruct.

OK, OK, maybe I’ll help a little. Tell you what I’m going to do, I’ll be there to support him on the smoking, I’ll encourage him to quit. And this is what I’ll do, I’ll follow him, see how many smokes he sneaks in and report it back to you. This should be fun to do and I’ll even let you know how many three year old style temper tantrums he has in the process too. It should be fun to write about for a few weeks. So check back soon and I’ll fill you in on his process. And we will see if this year, he makes his mark.

Ride Hard or Stay Home.