Pig writes:
Well, as you already have read on my previous post, Rainman and I attended a Super Bowl Party with the wounded warriors hosted by the Wounded warriors Roadtrip Network. While we were there, I was having a great time meeting all those warriors, however, I was still on a mission of my own that night. I had a new pick-up line to try out with the ladies (check out my last post: Words out of my mouth). I played it cool at first while I scanned the crowd for a few potential targets. I used my time wisely by tossing back a couple glasses of liquid courage along with the warriors.
I was a pig on the prowl, checking to see who was available and what my chances could be. I had to be careful in the selection process. After all, when it comes to the hot steamy love side of me – everything has to be perfect. My reputation as a lady killer must always remain high. I had everything going in my favor, devilishly handsome, very Sauvé and Rainman’s credit card in my pocket.
I decided Megan, our waitress, was the one I wanted. I saw her at the bar picking up an order. This was my chance, my one shot at ultimate glory. I jumped down from our table, headed over to her and shimmed up onto the bar. I wasted no time in bringing home a solid delivery.
“Hi Megan”
“Is there something I can help you with sir?
Yeah, answer me this. On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?
“Huh, what?”
I repeated my line once more; “on a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?”
“Ahh, I don’t think so, thanks anyway.”
Will you marry me?
Shot down and rejected, I was crushed so bad, I felt my chin drag across the bar. I looked back at the table. The warriors watching gave me (3) eights on my performance.
Hmmmm, this is no time to give up. I had my reputation at stake; I could not be a failure in front of those warriors, they were depending on me. I think they needed to see me score as much as I needed to score. I rolled up my sleeves to get this job done and spotted my next target. (Big Duke Six, Big Duke Six, we have acquired target bearing two niner zero. One hot brunette, get your people back and your heads down. She is all mine!) I slid down the bar to where she was standing doing an interview with one of the patrons. When I first spotted her I didn’t realize she was a news reporter working on a story. She turned to me, smiled and said “Hello”. I smiled back, ready to try my line on the news reporter.
Cherie stuck her microphone in my face and asked me what I thought of the party? I responded “On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?”
She said “I’m sorry, could you say that again?”
I repeated my line, only this time I said the line while I gave her my devilish grin. I could see out of the corner of my eye the little red light on the camera shaking from the cameraman laughing at me.
“Oh Hell No” she said, smacking me across the bar with her microphone.
I picked myself up off the bar and dusted off, “Damm it, that sucked” I said to no one in particular. I looked back over to the warriors, this time the judging warriors gave me a seven, eight, and a seven. (Ahh Big Duke, I may have a tail fire here, I took some heavy fire on that last pass) I refused to give it up. Failure is not an option for me, I gave it one more try.
I went over to Jennifer. This time I pulled out all the stops, there would be no holding back this time. I decided to use my best impersonation of Meatloaf in the delivery.
“Hey Jennifer, on a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?”
There was no answer. She just looked at me. So just in case she didn’t hear me the first time, I repeated myself.
She never said one word to me.
(Mayday, Mayday, Big Duke, We are going down, repeat, we are going down!)
Even though, as I walked back to the table, my score improved when I received (3) tens from the judges. I came to terms that I needed to come up with a new pick-up line. I tilted back another cold one to drown the burning flames in my heart. Our waitress Megan came by to see if she could bring us another round. She saw how hurt I was and gave me a quick hug. Feeling better, I asked her if that meant I still had a chance with her. “Forget it Pig Boy, You blew it with that corny line of yours. Work on it and then we will see. She trotted away to get us another round, I turned to the boys and gave them a thumbs up!. They in turn, smiled back and gave me three thumbs down.
Oh don’t worry, I’ll be fine, Megan did give me a kiss goodnight when I left the bar.
The Proud American 